1079 The Track - willie bLOGS

Mariah Carey is Destroying the EARTH!
Oh no!

First the war, then the stock market plummets, Global Warming is shown to be real, the housing market collapses, unemployment skyrockets, and yet none of that has prepared us for the tragedy that has rocked this planet to its very core. It’s hard to even write these words without breaking down but…

Mariah Carey now has more number one singles than Elvis Presley.

The unspeakable horror!! Oh the humanity!!

At what point do we just say we can’t go on? At what point do we stop believing in God?

No matter what hardship we had to endure -- from terrorism to Ellen’s little doggie being recalled – at least we had Elvis. My father, who lived through the Depression and Chevy Chase talk show said he never thought he’d see the day.

When gas prices went to $4.00 a gallon and my children were inconsolable I took their hands and said, “Kids, it’s okay. The King has 17 number ones. No one will ever surpass him.”

Now what do I tell them?

Oh…if only…

Dolly Parton, Country Music -and what ELSE You Don't Care About!
Okay, I like Dolly Parton. She’s got a good sense of humor, doesn’t take herself too seriously. But I’m sorry, with all the plastic surgery she now looks like the Joker in a blond wig. You’ve seen those scenes where a guy in tight pants bends over and they rip in half? Every time Dolly smiles that’s what I think is going to happen to her face. So it’s a tad disconcerting. And it must be worse for Ryan to see himself in ten years.

Have a great afternoon - and an even BETTER WEEKEND! As The Track presents 'The Ultimate 80s Party Songs' all weekend starting at 3 Friday! As Jeff Spicoli would say, 'Hey Bud - Let's Party'!

Whooh...I'm using quotes from the 'stoner dude' in 'Fast Time at Ridgemont High'...time to go!

Complaints, Compliments and Catsby the Cat...3/17/08

Certainly there is plenty to complain about on the ole afternoon show - just ask the woman who objected to me talking about Burt Reynolds appearing n-u-d-e in Cosmopolitian Magazine this week in 1972. It wasn't even ME who referred to his 'big, hairy butt'...(a caller did - and I'm certainly no expert...:-)...but, when challenged on 'how to explain' Burt, and/or his hairy butt posing nude to a SIX YEAR OLD - well, Sorry...

Got me on that one...

Then, a call or two that were happy - way too happy - to hear me back in the ole afternoon show. Probably, way happy to get me off the morning show and destroying Ann Duran's loyal following. I was just happy to sleep more than 25 minutes a night...

Our kitty cat, The Great Catsby, is MIA. Very upsetting...poor guy was a stray we rescued winter before last when it stayed below zero for a week. Even had a patch of ice frozen to his forehaed. Instantly took to 'domestic life' (well, go figure; below zero and starving in the cold - or - hot fun, food and lovin indoors), so it's all the more a drag that he's 'out there somewhere.'

Cats - like my kids - have these MINDS OF THEIR OWN...and that's where the trouble begins!

SURVIVOR, China - er, The Track Morning Show! 3/11/08

To the remaining Ann Duran morning show listeners I have NOT scared off (both of them...:-), THANKS for bearing with me! As I bared with the joy of waking up at the same time I normally go to sleep! Whenever I fill in for Ann, the theme tends to be a 'Misery Loves Company' approach. However, gotta admit; I HAD A BLAST! Even, yes, even more fun than Ann with her invasive surgery!

Now that's a good time there buck-a-roos! Hey, bottom line; Ann is recovering wonderfully! She's one of my favorite people here, and the Track is FORTUNATE beyond belief to have her! And she should never - ever miss another 3:15am alarm clock! The audience awaits you Ann (and certainly not meeee...:-)...!

Other business; Fellow Animal Lovers take note! Check out the email received from our lovely Traffic Goddess Wendy Carol...but before you do - grab a Kleenex!

A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little
boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia
procedure for the old dog in their home.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for
the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death,
wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"
The Six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things such as:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

CHANNELING ANN DURAN!!! 2/29/08

With our lovely Ann Duran on the mend, somebody's gotta squak/talk/get distraught over American Idol! Yep...this is where my mind wanders when confronted with evil alarm clocks at 3:30am. And, we still have our two Hoosiers in the running, so I'll pretend I care TWICE as much, so here goes:

Unless David Archuleta knocks up Miley Cyrus in the next two months he’s the new American Idol. The rest are playing for hometown parades and royalties on the eight iTunes they sell. The girls were screaming just at the mention of his name. The fact that he can sing too helps but it makes no difference. He’s your new American Osmond.

This was 70s week – a chance for the kids to sing all their favorite songs they never heard of before last week. I hope next week will be hits from the 30s.

Top three lines when you pull the string on the Paula doll: “You are an amazing singer.” “You have trouble on the low notes.” And “You’re relevant”.

The boys went Tuesday night. I’m starting to think this is GROUNDHOG DAY. Every year it’s the same kids singing the same songs the same way.

First up was Michael Johns. He wants to be Rob Thomas but is really Michael Bolton. He screeched through a Fleetwood Mac song.

In the getting-to-know-you segment with Jason Castro we learned that he’s an idiot and takes pride in it. Bullwinkle could have done a better job answering simple questions. Maybe after the show he and Paula can collect string.

Luke Menard is the Hugh Jackman guy. Did an okay job with “Killer Queen” but this is the wrong show for him. He could easily win AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.

Robbie Carrico considers himself a hard rocker – but the kind that could play Disneyland. His hobby is drag racing. He can sign-up for one next Tuesday night. He’ll be available.

American Idol: Girls Gone MILD! 2/22/08
We got our first look at the girls Wednesday night (Thursday morning for me ‘cause I tivoed it). They’re cute, they belt, they have sob stories, and they’re all going to end up in the touring company of MAMA MIA. But for now their hopes and cheeks are high.

We were told over and over that some of them had the flu. But showing the same grit and fortitude they had when they attended their senior proms despite breaking a nail, they hung in there and gave courageous performances of 60s bubblegum hits.

First up was Kristy Lee Cook. She sold her horse to fly from Portland to Philadelphia to audition for the show. There were also auditions in San Diego, which is closer. She could have just sold her cat. Kristy was one of the flu victims. What will her excuse next week be for being boring?

Joanne Borgella was next. She’s the “plus size model” filling the LaKisha/Jennifer Hudson role this season. Simon said to take a risk and she did. She wore jeans.

Other Notes: B minor, A flat...

Other - Other Notes: Hope you survived the latest artic blast(s) OK! One caller said the weathermen who have become ALARMISTS every time we get an inch or two ought to repay us for their errant forecasts...So Party On! ROAD SALT is on PAUL POTEET! (Actually, HE got it right - but he's the only weather person I can outrun...:-)

We're All Victims? Naw - Just MEEE! 10/21/08

Is some radio dj's blog the proper forum for 'getting serious'? My guess is, NO...

But, but, but...

Gotta unload. Sorry. Was with my wife in a clinic's waiting room. As usual, I carry some 5 million page book because time actually s-l-o-w-s down in such a setting. The book I was reading won a Pulitzer Prize. Published originally in 1959 and republished numerous times since. It's in the Library of Congress. It's required reading for American History II in college. It's by William Shirer, a CBS radio reporter who lived in Berlin and witness World War 2 first hand.

Oh, and its got a swastika on the cover. Always has. The book is 'The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" (light reading anyone?) and no book is more harsh on the Nazi's than this one, as the author witnessed - and suffered from their atrocities.

Okie - Dokie...back to the waiting room. Reading my book, bothering no one and nature calls. By the time I return (all of 2 minutes!) there's a security guard escorting some guy out, and my wife is screaming 'his father fought the Nazi's and was at Pear Harbor you idiot!!!"

Ever walk into the middle of a conversation?!?

Turns out, a guy, the guy thought I was 'taunting' him with my stupid book! Maybe he saw the swastika but failed to see the words 'the FALL of the Third Reich'. But the kinda funny thing is - he decided to 'call me out' - only after I was OUT of the room! That's when he decided I had conspired to drive all the way to an eastside waiting room, find just the right 'victim', then, line up my book's cover exactly 30 feet line of sight just because I had nothing better to do with my never-ending wait.

BTW: If he did want to play 'Victim' - by the time my wife finished with him, HE WASN'T PLAYING ANYMORE...!

Maybe next time I'll bring my old stinky paperback copy of JAWS...

Back from Time Off - And Time to RANT! 2/20/08

Good Lord, I LOVE this job... I don't need no stinkin' time off! (Well, perhaps a little...:-)

Took a handful of days to basically run errands with my wife (isn't love wonderful?) and lose the WILL TO LIVE watching mid-morning TV! Wow! Instead of using the military in our 'War on Terror' - instead, let's simply beam over every commercial ran on daytime TV. The basic message underlying it all; You're a LOSER! You're overweight...you need a lawyer...you have credit from hell...you have no car insurance...you have no car...you need bail...you need another lawyer, etc, et al. And all that remains in a trip to the Scooter Store!

I'm actually very surprised Dr. Kervorkian doesn't advertise in that time slot!

Super Tuesday - Wonderful Wednesday, Terrific Thurs- er, never mind...!

2/6/08

The Big Day settled nothing, eh? Heck, 'Obama Girl' had me at, well, certainly not because of her sexy pantsuit...

Hillary did have a great line on Letterman Monday night, "I'll be the one wearing the pantSUIT in the White House!

Otherwise, storm and Britney Spears coverage dominated TV last night - see if you can tell the difference! BTW: read that restraining order Britster's 'mama n' dem' took out against her manager, Sam Lufkti. He drugged her? Disabled her cars and cellphones? Hid her dogs so he would be the hero who found them? Yelled at her, threatened her, said she'd be dead and never get her kids back - WITHOUT HIM?!?

Picky-picky-picky!

Oh, and speaking of storms (part 2); how about Bobby Knight's 'SHOCKING' departure?!? That's the verbiage on the news, not mine. SHOCKING...

Is there anything Bob Knight could do at this point that might shock anyone? I mean, he's the guy that brought us an entirely new meaning to the phrase, 'Have a Seat'...!

Have a Great Day - (and a seat if need be...:-)

Tell Me Something Good (with apologies to Chaka Kahn!) 1/31/08

So Mary writes me saying I need more 'Happy News' on my blog. GOOD LORD! Someone actually reads this nonsense?!?

OK - no more talk of my wife's double knee cap replacement, my car radio being stolen, my broken toe, the heartbreak of psoriasis, etc.

GOOD NEWS;

1. No one has stolen the radio from my other car (yet...:-)

2. My wife has a really cool set of new knees...

3. My broken toe was simply to gain sympathy and attention while writing 'downer' blogs, so there! It WORKED!

Other business. I'm very anti death penalty. Granted, if a loved one was murdered, I'd be the guy flipping the switch...but with over ONE HUNDRED people EXONERATED from DEATH row - just seems so final, ya know? OK, all that aside; did you see the story about that poor soul in Terre Haute, released Monday after 23 years in jail? Twenty Three years. DNA said he didn't do it. So, he's walking out of the gray bar inn, his first breath of freedom in over two decades of an ongoing nightmare. FREE AT LAST! And as he makes his way to the car, a reporter yells the probing question; "Are You Glad to be OUT?????"

Say what?!?

Glad to be out? Are you kidding? My new bunk mate, "White Power Bill" invited me to the prom tonight, and now I can't go...!

Other, other business. What do you think about the New Kids on the Block reuniting? Worked for the Spice Girls, even Led Zeppelin! So why not? They can tour and have it sponsored by Depends or AARP! The Scooter Store? We'll let you know!

Other, other, etc. Don't miss 'American Masters' on PBS this week. Really insightful look into the life of Marilyn Monroe. My daughter and I were watching another documentary about her just the other night, and I grew to admire her all the more. When you consider Ms Spears perpetual meltdown - then, observe Marilyn in the same - if not worse circumstance, you'll be amazed at the strength of character she manages to pull out of somewhere. The crush of the paparazzi is even worse than what we see now. Consider Marilyn Monroe suffering through childhood abuse, miscarriages, failed marriages, drug abuse, mental hospitals (etc.). With all that in mind, watch how she carries herself in front of the crush of the press! Even through tears on occasion, she's lucid, well spoken and maintains her dignity beyond what most mortals could bear! She even managed to wear underwear on a daily bases! They don't make stars like that any more, and, at the risk of being 'negative'; that's too bad!

Everyday - A New Adventure! 1/29/08

So, wake up this morning ready to confront, er, enjoy another Monday at the radio ranch. Walk out to the car, and what's wrong with this picture? Something out of whack in the great cosmic balance of my cruise vessel. Suspicions confirmed - some idiot stole my radio right out of the dashboard. I know my radio show leaves a lot to be desired, granted! But when it's so lame the evil doers run off with my crappy car radio, I just know somebody's trying to tell me something!

BTW: Good luck with your ill gotten gains; The CD player does not work, and the radio goes spastic at any frequency below 107.9! But hey - that CRACK ain't gonna smoke itself...!

Shocker at weekend box office. What the world needed - another Rambo movie, did not finish in first place! Difficult to defeat the ole Viet Cong while trying to find a store selling Depends I guess...

Creepy music notes; Michael Jackson staging his latest 'comeback' at the Grammys? Maybe he'll set his head on fire and...Oh - been there, burned that. Other creep out music news; The New KIDS on the Block are planning their comeback...! Will it be sponsored by AARP? Better yet, Depends?!?

If I Could Talk, er, SING to the Animals...1/25/08

Heavens! I thought it was just me! However, in realizing we'll all be dead in 100 years and nobody's gonna remember anyway; I divulged my deepest, darkest secret on the air; I SING TO MY CATS...

Even more CREEPY (something could 'out creepy' that?!?); I'm NOT ALONE! The phones went nuts. Well, then again, those of us in the world of kitty-cat-sing-a-longs are already n-u-t-s! ' Hey Kitty you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Kitty!'

A few of my own 'cat songs' (feel better/superior at my expense here...:-):

* (To the tune of 'Give Peace a Chance - With apologies to John Lennon...) "...All we are saying...is name your cat Blanch..."

* (And now, to the tune of 'In the Ghetto' with apologies to Elvis, after Blanch 'got out' for a spell):

"...Then one day in desperation, the Blanch Cat gets away,

She buys a gun, Steals a car,

But Blanch can't drive so she doesn't get far...

And Blanch's mama cries..."

OK - If you're not crying yet, you're probably dialing 911 so I can join Britney in her Court Ordered Evaluation!

Next time our topic will be; DO YOU EVER UNDRESS IN FRONT OF YOUR DOG?!?

Lesser of the EVILS! 1/20/08

I lived a deprived life (not 'depraved', er, right?)...well, we do get enough to eat, have shelter, heat, etc. I'm talking deprivation - real manly-man-toughness; NO CABLE TV!

Seemed like a good idea at the time. My family and I might actually spend some time in the same room and not curl up to our dorky shows solo?!? Heaven forbid we t-a-l-k or anything while in that same room. But, close proximity is a start! So, we spend time droning out to the worst TV shows possible - or so I thought!

Here at the Radio Ranch, I'll scope out 'what's on that fancy/smancy cable' on Saturdays and see what I've been missing:

* "Real Housewives of Orange County"...After one episode (much less the weekend marathons!) I can well understand now why the terrorists HATE US!

* "America's Next Top Model"...OK, I know it's also on the UPN/CW/WHATSIT Network, but being a glutton for punishment, gotta catch the 35 back-to-back-to-back episode weekend marathon! It'll toughen you up! Wanna win the 'War on Terror'? Simply beam that show to Al Queada and they will be crying 'Uncle' before you can say 'spoiled, skinny out of control egos and insecurities sure make you really hot'!

* "That Other Top Model Show on Bravo" (see above) Except, I never thought I'd miss the Mensa input (relatively speaking...:-) from Tyra! Never...(Who else can inform me as to how to look 'FIERCE'...:-)

All in all...pretty depressing stuff! Perhaps I can still catch the Evening News and maybe see if there's an exciting WAR going on which I might need to be informed about.

Naw...not when Britney is still roaming the streets with fishnet stockings and no underwear! (Does TMZ have their own cable channel yet?)

Colts Fans; We Are SPOILED! 1/15/08

The morning after...actually, the mourning after...!

I at least, ought to be used to it. I have killed off more NFL seasons than any other loser you'll ever know. San Diego (yeah, let's rub the CHARGERS salt in the wound a little more)...season tickets when I first arrived, age 18, for the '75 and '76 seasons. They won TWO (count'em) entire home games in two years! After a while, I only went to the game for a glance of Howard Cosell - or Johnny Unitas (see him before he dies!) on the other team. Then, the Rams, while in L.A...game(s) over before they began. New England did OK when I was in Boston, I guess it was too cold for my 'bad luck aura' to hover about.

Then, my coup de grace for losing teams - The Colts...The Baltimore Colts! Bob Irsay was openly shopping the team, they had that worn out stadium (Potter's Field?) and none of the players could even find Baltimore on the map. Why bother?!?

Then they moved...dark, snowy night at 3 in the morning as the team snuck off to Indy! It reminded me of the day Kennedy was killed (yep, I'm that old and have a clear, working stamp of that day). The entire city suddenly realized the Colts weren't the embodiment of evil, but, it was too late. Their last game in Baltimore attracted less than some high school games, but afer yet another losing season nobody was feelin' the love.

UNTIL NOW! These many centuries later, the Colts, er, the SUPERBOWL CHAMPION COLTS are loved, worshiped, cherished, etc, et al. That is, as long as we W-I-N!

Seriously, Thanks Colts and Blue Crew fans for another great season and a killer record. Just wait til next year!Colts Fans; We Are SPOILED! 1/15/08

The morning after...actually, the mourning after...!

Then, the coup de grace for losing team - The Colts...The Baltimore Colts! Bob Irsay was openly shopping the team, they had that worn out stadium (Potter's Field?) and none of the players could even find Baltimore on the map.

UNTIL NOW! These many centuries later, the Colts, er, the SUPERBOWL CHAMPION COLTS are loved, worshiped, cherished, etc, et al. That is, as long as we W-I-N!

Seriously, Thanks Colts and Blue Crew fans for another great season and a killer record. Just wait til next year!

Shirking Civic Duty for 40 Alex...1/11/08

Saw that 17 (formerly) potential jurors in Marion County were hauled in by the Po-Lice for not fulfilling their jury duty obligations. So, now they get their own private, personal jury! Whoooh!

My friend Ken Levine, a writer in L.A. (Emmy winner; shows like 'Cheers', 'Mash', 'Mary Tyler Moore' etc) also got 'the call'. When the judge asked if anyone needed to be excused (hardship), a sea of hands shot up Ken reports. One guy, dying wife - no dice. Another, a private business he couldn't leave - sorry Charlie. A lady who was 8 month pregnant wasn't excused...even as she's making trips to the bathroom every 20 minutes! Baby gotta wait! Another female juror had served on a previous case. A rape trial. Verdict? She couldn't remember..yet, she's invited back.

But Alex Trebeck - God forbid we put 'Jeopardy' in, well, er, jeopardy! Met with the judge for 5 minutes and next thing anyone knew; ALEX HAS LEFT THE BUILDING AND HE AIN'T COMING BACK!

BTW; My friend Ken was finally excused. When they asked if he was a manly gun toten son-of-a-gun-lover-type, he said he's anti gun and was a writer for MA - they had him o-u-t before he could finish the sentence...!

And the moral to the story is; Jury Duty? Wanna get out? Tell'em you're just not feeling that NRA love anymore. Either that, or, tell'em you're Alex Trebeck!

GO COLTS! BUZZKILL THE CHARGERS!

I Wanna Be ELECTED...:-0...1/9/08

With apoligies to Alice Cooper...

Yep, elect me now and let's put a merciful end to what the next 11 months will bring! Follow politics? These pundits who got it completely wrong in New Hampshire - and that's their ONLY function in life! Evidently they "cannot find their a** with both hands at midnight" (thanks Mom - thats' as close to 'cussin' as I ever heard...:-)...then again, they were also wrong about the war, WMD, Saddam and Al Queda and so on. Believe it or not, the people who are the best versed on the news are the people who watch 'The Daily Show'...as in 'The Daily Show' on COMEDY CENTRAL!

Finally, the news where it belongs; On a COMEDY network.

Speaking of TV, gotta give credit to the genius who had the bright idea of bring back 'American Gladiator'! Absence made the heart grow fonder as the macho guys with the big Q-Tips attracted 12 million viewers! And what's not to like? Real Men - doing real Fightin'!!! The NAMES say it all; Thrasher, Wolf, Mercenary, Sanjaya...

1/5/08 WHOOooo - I'm BLOGGING My Life Away...:-)

I have a life...?!?

Survived New Year's...Thank goodness I declined going cruisin' and bar hoppin' with Principal Syverson in Fishers. Who woulda thought that partying with the Pacers would end up as a 'kinder/gentler/not BUSTED experience?!?

Speaking of 'Busted'; Britney Spears made it a full 3 (!!!) days into the clean slate of 2008 before she lined up another "Lifetime' event (or this might wind up on 'Cops' or 'America's Most Wanted'). Sorry Britster; this willful ignorance of REALITY don't cut it no more girl! Even the 'dimmest bulbs' amongst us can figure out a Judge ordering the CHILDREN be handed over to their Father...how is this a challenging concept?

What was she thinking? Oh - that's right, she pays people to think for her. AND YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN YOUR OWN ATTORNEYS QUIT! Betcha they didn't look back for fear of being turned into Pillars of Salt! Think about it, in this age of job insecurity - being Britney's lawyers is not only the most STEADY job in America, but would pay well to boot.

And yet these money grubbing lawyer types decided it's better defending accused murderers and rapists rather than make sense of Britney...now that's crazy...

Custody battle no doubt is emotionally draining. However - we just witnessed the largest deployment of the Indiana National Guard troops since World War 2. Seeing these brave souls at the RCA Dome Wednesday, heading for Iraq and their brave Hoosier families was heartrending. Our troops going directly into Harm's Way in a combat zone.

And yet - none of their families suffered a meltdown which required a hospital stay...

Vivid - but ANCIENT Memories! 12/26/07

Like YOU care...:-)...This time of the year is not only special for me for the usual reasons - but also special with RADIO memories, which I realize now are akin to studying ancient Rome!

Not ego, honest. Nobody was more surprised than ME to land in Los Angeles at age 20. That was 31 years ago TODAY! Ten-Q was a legendary station, with legendary Air Talent. No. Not me (well, obviously...). Radio/movie/TV stars like The Real Don Steel (Bewitched, Death Race 2000, etc), Ken Levine (MASH, Cheers, Simpson, etc), Chuck Browning, Dave Conley and a ton of others who graced my life.

Problem is, looking back at all the fanfare, pictures, media coverage of that day, I suddenly realized HALF OF THESE PEOPLE ARE DEAD!

And at 20, granted, a lot of them were 'the older dudes'...however, I'm an even older dude NOW than they were then! Sound confusing? It is to ME!

Maybe cause I'm o-l-d!

My smart mouth aside; the chance to be in Indy and help sign on another awesome piece of radio history is one of my greatest blessings! And, we certainly can't do it without YOU! So, sincerely; Thanks for listening!

Why SNOW is a 4 Letter Word! 12/17/07

Well, this past weekend is the best example I know of! When it rains - it pours...when it Freezing Rains - it just plain *&%#@!!!

There, I said it!

Someone plowed (pardon the snow 'tongue in cheek' reference) into my car early Saturday morning. My car was busy committing the offense, of innocently minding its own business, parked in front of the house. I wake up Saturday to the flashing yellow light of a utility truck out front.

Bad sign number one...

So, my car was left crying (frozen) crocodile tears, left with electrical damage and the mystery of the dead alternator - to be solved by more expensive minds than myself. Meantime, my poor wife, just after her 5th surgery this year - was busy doing a death march to the store for PROVISIONS! When my car got hit, so did our POWER...so, we were definitely CHILLIN' for the Lost Weekend!

Speaking of a 'death march', we were attempting to get the car jumped and make it to a repair shop this morning (hope springs eternal, right?). Car DID take the jump, but died a little later on College. My wife sets off for a tow, and I set off for a ride to work! (Thanks JC!!!) One little piece of 'redemption' during this ordeal; while waiting for JC at the Rich Gas Station (46th and College), freezing, looking like I'd seen my better day...a guy pulls up wearing a Plainfield Wrestling sweatshirt. Says, 'are you going hungry yet?" My mouth and brain were too iced to form a quick reply, so again he asks if I needed money for food! Unsolicited. In the cold. I was so heartened, I couldn't thank him enough for the sentiment, and said 'please, by all means, give it to someone who needs it'!!

What a nice thing in the middle of a not so nice storm! I hope you and your's fared safe and sound!

The Pacers, The Men and The Holidays! 12/11/07

Quick - name the most dangerous place you can think of...the slums of Baghdad? Beirut? Kabul?

How about being anywhere near any Indiana Pacer?!?

Another incident last night? By 'incident' I mean just another evening of clubbing, drinking and bustin caps - or, according to Jamaal Tinsley, 'DODGING them caps'! Granted, I'm not God's gift to 'logic and reason' - but after the first two or three shootings, police, jail, bail, media, etc. - I might find a new way to occupy my time and put the ole clubbing thing on hold for awhile. Curl up with a box of wine and catch a movie on Lifetime for example! Go on tour with Hannah Montana! Scope out the new Central Library and read-a-book! Anything beats this!

Had this on the air, and huge response: (BTW: This info comes from social scientist in the UK)

* What does a wife do at Christmas parties which make people tend to like the couple less?

(Answer:) Talk too much!

* Stress levels of men, forced to go Christmas shopping with their wives - is the same stress levels recorded by policemen facing an armed, angry mob!

So, like the cartoon about what we say and what your dog hears...when you say to your husband, 'Honey, let's run over to Castleton Square and pick up some gifts for the kids..." IN HIS EARS IT SOUNDS LIKE: "Honey, lets go jump in a humvee and cruise the slums of Sadr City and get ambushed by insurgents!"

Happy Holidays!

12/4/07 Saving Cats, Saving the Mrs. and Losing my MIND!

If you know anything about me, you KNOW I am the world's biggest animal lover. Last winter moving to our new neighborhood on the North Side, my wife (Elie Mae Clampett) managed to locate ALL the local feral cats and commence domesticating (i.e. FEEDING!) them. Can't domesticate a WILD cat?!? Hardy-har-har...We've taken in creatures direct from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom - and given a few days of FOOD, heat and love...it's amazing! So at any rate, remember that terrible cold spell last Jan-Feb? Constant snow and below ZERO for weeks at a time? I'm sure our (new) kitties want to forget!

We had been feeding 'The Great Catsby' and Stripers' on the porch for some time, and even set up a shelter. But the extreme cold was gettin' serious! The patch of snow affixed to their kitty foreheads just wasn't the look for them. Those poor kitty cats wanted in so badly! There was some little nuance of their evolutionary traits which kept saying 'people=FOOD and petting and heat!!! Great Catsby definitely wanted in - but, amazingly enough; refused to leave his fellow feral cat alone! So, after much ado about CATS - here it is a year later...and nobody, no, not one of them cats has ANY notion of ever going outside again! They remained curled up, on the bed, by the heated, and strategically near the food dish!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Ohhh - did I say THAT?!? Sorry...

Surgery accomplished department. Wife had a tough weekend after yet another round of scapels and deductibles at St. Vincent's in Carmel. You'd think we'd have the routine down by now - after 5 knee surgeries in 2 years. But, pain is p-a-i-n and you just gotta wait it out. Sure. Profound advice there Wills...especially if you're NOT the one with 28 new staples up and down their legs!

I hope you are pain free and sincerely, the many calls and email on my wife's behalf carry more weight than you realize. I pass along each individual comment, and do know; I am privileged to be on a station like The Track, privileged to have listeners such as yourself - and blessed by the contagious goodness you send our way. Thank You!!!

11/30/07 WALKER - TEXAS RANGER -er, WALKER: my wife actually...

If it isn't me whining aimlessly about my achy-breaky state of affairs (see below; sciatica, broken toe, fractured elbow - SINCE June!), then it's my WIFE getting equal time (ALSO, see below; double knee cap replacement!).

For her encore performance, they had to attach a gizmo to her whatsit to insure her whatever does 'whatever' it's supposed to. OK - that's the medical textbook version...basically; she needed a 'little more work' done! Hip and leg surgery yesterday at St. Vincent's in Carmel. Truth be told, it's one heck of a price to pay to curl up with one of those morphine pumps!

Surgery went well and from the heart; Thank You one and all for the supportive calls and email. Trust me, I pass it ALL along to her, and your kind words means so very much - especially when they're wheeling into surgery for the umteenth time.

But hey! What about your's truly (aka; 'Center of Universe'...:-)...?!? Just another night of fun and frivolity, ATTEMPTING to sleep in a chair at my wife's bedside. I believe those chairs at St. Vincent's are what they use in this 'water boarding' routine at Gitmo...! Actually, the FLOOR was waaay more comfy, thanks for asking...

So, no rest for the weary (naw - I passed 'weary' status yesterday when we arrived at the hospital at 5 am...). And, if you've ever spent the night with a family member in their room through a hospital stay, you are well aware there is some sort of alarm which alerts the Vital Signs Person to come storming in the moment you might begin to doze! Between that, and dragging myself up to help my poor wife to the bathroom, with her assortment of monitors, IVs, 'a machine that goes PING' (etc) attached - Man, I'm ready to help repair the Hubble in outer space next time around!

Perhaps, better to help repair my wife for the moment. Duh. And, ya know, let her have her moment in the spotlight; Slowly creeping along with one heckuva WALKER! And funny, people used to say, 'it's hard to keep up with her...'! And, hideous scars, surgeries, bionic woman aspects aside - IT STILL IS!

Thanks again for all the many, many thoughtful sentiments!

11/28/07 Being - Getting HIP!

As in, after my wife's 'summer of fun' with double knee cap replacement; the next round in the 'War on Deductibles' comes tomorrow. Hip Surgery. To correct the Knee Surgery. To correct the Knee Scraping Surgeries...

Department of Redundancy Department, eh...?

So, anything for a day off? SURE! Another pre dawn ride to the freezing hospital, only to arrive at 5am and proceed to sit around in a state of dread all day! Hey, and imagine how my WIFE must feel! So - it's a date? St. Vincent's in Carmel? Party on Garth!

And Boy - Howdy! What about that Marie Osmond on Dancing With the Stars!?! Credit where it's due! (Sorry, Ann Duran...:-) Thought she was pretty foxy (I believe that was the lingo) in 1974 with 'Paper Roses.' Now, at 48, and after ALL she has been through (remember that drive in the middle of the night to Nevada?); Very happy for her. And from a guy whose sense of rhythm is equal to my understanding of quantum physics. No, strike that. I can actually comprehend Einstein's Theory of Relativity (E=mc2) easier than moving a body part to some sort of beat. So, Ann Duran sniping aside (ya know I lu ya Annie...:-) I gotta say it; Heckava job Miss Marie!

11/18/07 Being - Getting HIP!

Department of Redundancy Department, eh...?

11/26/07 Guitar Hero vs Jimmy Jet!

Thank goodness I'm not the dorky kid I once was (now, just a dorky adult...:-). Everyone's GOTTA have the latest gadget these days...so we can download, text, stream, share...and perhaps even a NORMAL CONVERSATION?!? Naw...what am I thinking.

One different 'game' which I find interesting, is 'Guitar Hero'. Right of passage? Some young dork attempting to prove his 'manliness' by pretending to jam on a guitar just like his favorite drug crazed rick stars! I know Native Americans had rituals of manhood. Killing a bear with your bare hands for example. Hamas in the Palestinian Territories supposedly requires their youth to bite the head off a live chicken (I prefer KFC...). Meanwhile here in the good ole USA - our young men can run circles around any other nation when it comes to air guitar...or eating Doritos (sorry, I was thinking Britney...:-).

From the sophistication of the current hi-tech-can't-live-without-toys, I recall the ONE gift I craved my entire childhood - and never received. A 'Jimmy Jet.' Imagine the hours of cheap (literally) thrills I would've experienced, behind a pathetically dinky plastic dash board, covering a moving roll of paper - just like I'm flying over Berlin in 1945! Whooh! Think I'm getting airsick!

My best friend Ray Redden (the rich kid) DID have a 'Jimmy Jet'...and as I look back, perhaps that was the bases of our friendship; Such a lack of imagination we depended upon the Mattel Corporation to provide the excitement of broken down, cheaply made crap which inevitably died the day after Christmas.

Or, as was the case with Ray's "Jimmy Jet" - the batteries ran out. I hate it when that happens - especially at 30,000 feet! So maybe that's why I am the disturbed individual I turned out to be. Deprived childhood! If only we had invented Air Guitar back then! No batteries required!

11/21/07 Circle of Lights - and Getting LIT!

...Hey, Holiday "Spirit(s)", right?

This will be my third Circle of Lights, and I've finally figured out how it works; They hang a bunch of lights from The Soldier's Monument - then - the Friday after Thanksgiving; THEY TURN'EM ON!

Props to ALL the volunteers that make this such a great Indy Tradition. Out there in sub zero cold last year doing repairs...Good people who simply enjoy bringing your family the Joy of the Holidays!

Other business: Tim McGraw - a new fragrance?!? Jeez - How have I managed these 51 long years to get by WITHOUT smelling like ole Tim??? BTW: What does a 'Tim McGraw SIGNATURE smell, smell like? WD 40? An ole tractor by a bale of hay on my grandpappy's farm after a summer rain?

Years ago I purchased that Liz Taylor perfume for my wife. (What was it called? 'Addiction'? 'Rehab'? Naw, that's the new Lohan/Spear/Hilton/Winehouse/etc concoction!) At any rate, I supposed the intended effect was to make my wife smell like Elizabeth Taylor back in the day? I'm thinking of a mixture of Vicodin and Bourbon...!

Have a Tremendous and Safe Thanksgiving!

11/15/07 Movin' and Groovin'...!

Well, 'moving' at least! After reading about the hilarity that was the 'Ann Duran Moving Experience' - MY blog wanted equal WHINE - er, TIME!

Actually, we're just moving around the corner. But for someone who's been bounced around ('town to town, up and down the dial...') so much, you'd think I'd have this 'move thing' down by now.

Nope. Like finding the meaning of life; there are NO shortcuts! A move is a move...hauling crap around, crushing vertebrae carrying sofas up flights of stairs, loading/unloading...no way around it. And I'M getting depressed just reading my own destiny here...so, change o' topic!

'How Deep Is'...your Love? Your Thoughts?

Enjoy studying philosophy. Was up late the other night, going over some of my favorite quotes. One from The Buddha, concerning the 'interconnectivity' (now there's a word!) of everything, "The foot never feels the foot - until it touches the earth."

Think about it. And may we all remember that EVERYTHING we do has a ripple effect which virtually goes 'full cycle'. We get what we give in this life. So, go give it your all and remember, the best way to help yourself, is to help someone else!

11/12/07 Sciatica Sucks! And other Earth Shaking News...

Mention the ole 'S' word (see above), and I'm speaking the language of every broken down middle age guy out there! We've bonded, right my friends? A passing mention, and the calls/email incoming are enough to rattle the spine...oh - that's part of the problem! Thanks, sincerely for the thoughtful words. I say this sincerely, as I 'walk the walk and talk the talk'...well, I've certainly got that cute little sciatica limp going, in lieu of 'walking the walk'!

Another Veteran's Day. As a history d-o-r-k; I've recently added World War 1 to my mindless obsessions. As bad as things are in Iraq at the moment, consider; In one battle, during one morning at the Somme; the British lost 20,000 killed. The worst day for the French Army showed losses (dead) of 40,000 in a single day. All the horror and 18 million dead, 'The War to End All Wars', only to be the seed of Hitler, and the Second World War.

OK - any other nifty feel good news there Wills? Sorry...get carried away at all this testosterone war talk...you had me at 'trench'...!

BTW: All week on Track Twin Spin win tickets to party with Deborah Harry (of Blondie fame) at the Vogue, Saturday November 24th! Everyday at 3:45...and you'll find an easy-peasy clue under 'Fun Stuff' (above on menu).

11/8/07 Mama Mia, The Colts and Sciatica! OH MY!

Sorry; just realized every other blog this year has been 'poor, poor, pitiful me' (hey, that's got a nice ring to it...:-)! And, wow Willie, 'we can't wait to read your endless babble about what hurts this time...'

Before 'Pain' - how about we deal with 'pleasure' first? Saw "Mama Mia" at the Murat and this is MUST SEE theater! Run, don't walk! If you even remotely enjoy the music and fun on the Track, then this really IS the show for you!

Some Pain; Colts loss to the Patriots. Hey - better to lose NOW so we can beat'em in the playoffs! Then again, last time we 'beat'em in the playoffs' I almost needed stomach surgery! The 'Greatest Come-From-Behind-Victory-In-NFL-Playoff-History' came with a price. The price of large quantities of Rolaids...(don't most 'normal' people drink beer and enjoy bar-b-que for their Colts games?!?)

Now; Lots of Pain: Up until last Thursday I couldn't even spell 'Sciatica'! (Actually, I still can't without spell check...) But none the less, my Sciatica Karma has reared its ugly head. OH MY ACHING BACK/LEG/FOOT/etc, et al! This thing is similar to a massive charlie-horse (the kind that wake you up in the middle of the night, with you foot or calf muscle screaming like a Pacer's bail bond hearing). And it's deep inside my aching back...and yes - 'Help, I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up'!

Well, I CAN get up...the show MUST go on! Acute pain or not - SOMEBODY's gotta play "I'm Your Boogie Man"...or better yet, Carly Simon's 'I Haven't Got Time for the PAIN'!!!

And as always, THANKS for your time!

10/31/07 Happy Halloween!

...Or, as they call it in Mexico; "Day of the Dead." So, does one say "Happy" day of the dead when south of the border?

Houdini died on Halloween ya know...said if he would try to contact the 'living' after he passed. Still waiting there bub. Actually, in whatever state of 'afterlife' he may be in, he's probably thinking "No way -I'm not going back there!"

Ghost Story: Funny, almost everyone has one, including me. Here goes, and BTW; it's t-r-u-e!

As a Civil War buff, I spent a lot of time at Gettysburg. Know that battlefield inside and out. Very surreal place at times. Now, my family and I would often sit atop 'Little Round Top' where most of the second day's fighting took place. It offers a commanding view of the entire battlefield. Well, we're up there late one evening, virtually twilight. About 50 yards to our left, my wife sees what appears to be a Civil war 're-enactor'. She asked if they were doing any living history that day, which they weren't. By the time it took to exchange these few words, the 'soldier guy' is gone - almost. To my right, about the same 50 yards on the other side of us; THERE HE WAS AGAIN! We could make out the loose fitting wool looking uniform, and the 'figure' even held up his 'slouch' hat as if to wave...and then he was gone! POOF!

OK - so, one of those things, right? UNTIL, several months later, a Civil War magazine I subscribed to (The Blue and Gray) had a Halloween edition. It featured 13 Civil war 'ghost' stories. Imagine my shock and awe, as I read a story, written by a National Park Ranger and History Professor fom the University of Virginia. Both, at great risk to their careers, wrote openly about a Confederate Ghost, seen regularly at Little Round Top, Gettysburg.

Seen regularly indeed! That's when I got one of them there chills up the ole spine! Whooh! Happy Halloween!